heather christie

• Heather Christie •

Do You Have Love for Humankind?

 

How do I ‘go back to reality’?

I feel frozen. Adrift in a time between what I just experienced and the world.

 

When the eclipse was in motion, my sweetie turned to me and said, ‘Don’t be afraid of the darkness. Go straight into your shadow’. 

 

It was getting colder, the shadows were growing longer, and only the tiniest sliver of sun remained. It felt freaky; like a colossal shadow was imprinting on top of everything.

 

And you know what I felt?

 

I felt annoyed by the masses of people, chatting, talking loudly, drinking their alcohol, being so damn people-y. I wanted to run away from them all.

 

There’s a CocoRosie song: ‘Do you have love for humankind?’ Sometimes, the truth is, I don’t.

 

 

When the eclipse cast its full shadow over the sun, I took off the glasses, and stared full-on into what looked like a lack hole surrounded by a dazzling ring of flame.

 

My body collapsed into shaking sobs. It was beautiful, frightening, awesome, all at the same time.

 

I felt so small. So insignificant. The greater cycles of the planets are a bigger part of the picture, and I am just a fraction of what makes it all up. So is everyone. 

 

It is certainly humbling to realize that I am just one in billions of humans on this earth; but rather than feel that as a threat to my personal space, how can I use our human connection as a source of LOVE?

 

Practice: Cultivating genuine LOVE for my fellow human. Recognize the pure beauty of humans. 

 

I get so wrapped up in my close relationships, that I forget what it feels like to extend a sense of compassion to the totality of humanity. 

 

(Have I EVER even felt that?…) 

 

So, this is my work. 

Cultivating authentic love for humankind. Overtime I feel annoyed at another person, or group of people, practice transmuting that feeling into a deeper feeling of appreciation for sharing this planet at this time. 

 

…and, transmute that feeling into ACTION into the work that I do, so that I may be as sharp a tool as I humanly can be in the work and the art that I do. 

 

Thank you to the shadows for illuminating the lessons that lie in the darkness.

 

Eclipse of the Soul

I'm sweating and uneasy. Juniper trees are flying past me as I race down the arid eastern road.

I remember the last time I felt this way.

I was in central Mexico; there was an apocalyptic energy circulating around the tiny Mexican pueblitas, flooded with spiritual seekers and white eco-tourists. We had all come to be part of one thing: the end of the Mayan Calendar.

(In the Gregorian calendar - which we follow in the western world - Dec 21st 2012 didnʼt matter; but in the Mayan calendar, that was all she wrote.)

Plenty of people were taking the opportunity to preach about the days of darkness to come, and solicit fervent followings for their philosophical perspectives.

I was overblown by the whole thing; crying on the street corner as soon as I stepped off the bus, with a huge knot in my stomach that said, ‘I just want to go hooooome!!!ʼ

Right now, Iʼm one of the millions of people flocking to eastern Oregon to view the total solar eclipse that is happening on August 21st, 2017. (Interesting to not that this is exactly 4 years and 8 months since the Mayan calendar ended.)

Interestingly enough, Iʼm doing fine.

Well, fine compared to the 4 years and 8 months ago version of me; the one crying and longing for mommy. I am seated comfortably in my car and in my soul, and the waves of anxiety I am feeling are much more subtle, albeit present.

Perhaps it is because a lot changes in 4 years. Humans regenerate all of our cells in less than twice that time. The fact that I have a more solid job now, am engaged to be married, and have made over 4 years of headway (working everyday diligently on my music*) means something.

*That means - if Iʼve spent 1 hour a day working on/dreaming up/building my music career since then, it has been about 1,612 hours that Iʼve put in! (and that's a modest guess!!)

Thatʼs making a dent in the 10,000 hours they say it takes to become a master in anything...

Reflecting on these numbers today, as I head into the giant Eclipse Festival, I feel a solidness underneath the waves of anxiousness that accompany any unknown adventure. Whatever may threaten my stability canʼt even touch what I have worked for. (Because it HAS been work!!)

I am learning that everything in life is earned. No one gets what they donʼt deserve, and if they do, it might not be a sustainable earning. 

I'm after the long term. I've had my share of peak experience that don't give to their futures.  

I want the deep way. I want the long way. I want the TRUE way.  

And I'll keep working, day by day...  

THAT is my eclipse prayer.  

 

As I get dustier by the minute, adventure promises itself to me STRONG. 

The gravel roads leads us along a clunky route, and the setting sun shoves me forward. Gulp. I wonder what new knowledge I'll dig up here? Even if I'm uncomfortable- will it lead to growth?

What will I find out in the darkening of the sky? 🌙

*^*^*^

TO BE CONTINUED  

The Need for Center Stage

My sweetie and I are on a roadtrip. He's on tour. Last night, we stayed at an overpriced motel that smelled of cigarette smoke and had loud noises all night long. I hardly slept. I hadn't even wanted to go there in the first place. I would have preferred camping. The motel was my man's pick. 

Now, I'm sitting in a car feeling exhausted. Coffee's not helping. 

It's hard sometimes.

...To feel fully empowered. 

For the first time in my life, I feel like 'somebody's girlfriend'. 

...Like a sidekick.

And it's not all that easy. 

Is it easier to play the superstar?

To truly support and be in service to someone else.... 

Well that's something they don't teach your ego to relish. 

 

And yet, still, there is love. 

And there are the things that we do for love. 

And these things can dig deeper than our frustrations. 

So yet, why do we push them away? These feelings that come out of love? Are we scared? That they will break down the ego superstructure of 'hero'? 

Are we deeply terrified to NOT be the star of our own lives? 

Probably. 

And is this an age-old fear, one that's been around since the dawn of mankind?

Or is it a byproduct of our 'supersize me' modern-day consumer culture?

The answer remains yet to be written...  

But I, for now, I will sit uncomfortably between the desperate clinging to my ego's identity, and the deeper impulse of my heart to truly SERVE. ❤️

What about you?