Eclipse of the Soul
I'm sweating and uneasy. Juniper trees are flying past me as I race down the arid eastern road.
I remember the last time I felt this way.
I was in central Mexico; there was an apocalyptic energy circulating around the tiny Mexican pueblitas, flooded with spiritual seekers and white eco-tourists. We had all come to be part of one thing: the end of the Mayan Calendar.
(In the Gregorian calendar - which we follow in the western world - Dec 21st 2012 didnʼt matter; but in the Mayan calendar, that was all she wrote.)
Plenty of people were taking the opportunity to preach about the days of darkness to come, and solicit fervent followings for their philosophical perspectives.
I was overblown by the whole thing; crying on the street corner as soon as I stepped off the bus, with a huge knot in my stomach that said, ‘I just want to go hooooome!!!ʼ
Right now, Iʼm one of the millions of people flocking to eastern Oregon to view the total solar eclipse that is happening on August 21st, 2017. (Interesting to not that this is exactly 4 years and 8 months since the Mayan calendar ended.)
Interestingly enough, Iʼm doing fine.
Well, fine compared to the 4 years and 8 months ago version of me; the one crying and longing for mommy. I am seated comfortably in my car and in my soul, and the waves of anxiety I am feeling are much more subtle, albeit present.
Perhaps it is because a lot changes in 4 years. Humans regenerate all of our cells in less than twice that time. The fact that I have a more solid job now, am engaged to be married, and have made over 4 years of headway (working everyday diligently on my music*) means something.
*That means - if Iʼve spent 1 hour a day working on/dreaming up/building my music career since then, it has been about 1,612 hours that Iʼve put in! (and that's a modest guess!!)
Thatʼs making a dent in the 10,000 hours they say it takes to become a master in anything...
Reflecting on these numbers today, as I head into the giant Eclipse Festival, I feel a solidness underneath the waves of anxiousness that accompany any unknown adventure. Whatever may threaten my stability canʼt even touch what I have worked for. (Because it HAS been work!!)
I am learning that everything in life is earned. No one gets what they donʼt deserve, and if they do, it might not be a sustainable earning.
I'm after the long term. I've had my share of peak experience that don't give to their futures.
I want the deep way. I want the long way. I want the TRUE way.
And I'll keep working, day by day...
THAT is my eclipse prayer.
As I get dustier by the minute, adventure promises itself to me STRONG.
The gravel roads leads us along a clunky route, and the setting sun shoves me forward. Gulp. I wonder what new knowledge I'll dig up here? Even if I'm uncomfortable- will it lead to growth?
What will I find out in the darkening of the sky? 🌙
TO BE CONTINUED